The Ship
by theCalliope
Summary: Nero kidnaps Uhura and Spock tries to save her. Now Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**_WARNING: This is a kink-meme fic that will eventually involve rape. The prompt is below, I usually don't like to post it until the end as not to spoil the suprise, but in this case I'm letting you see it so you know what you're getting into._**

**PROMPT:**

_Okay, I feel like a misogynist for requesting this:_

_Nero rapes Uhura while Spock, Kirk, McCoy, and whoever you want watch from a prison cell or something. It's totally brutal and Spock is trying so hard not to freak out and the boys are like "omg, dont look, dont look" but even when he closes his eyes, he hears her screaming for his help and he can't. do. anything. GAH!_

_Bonus: Ayel comes in before or during and, looking at Uhura, says, "What, is this the Vulcan's wife?"_

_Nero replies, "No. Just his whore."_

_Extra bonus: Spock helping Nyota recover for the torture Nero (and I) put her through. Especially if he gets her to have sex with him again, being extra tender and sweet and working through her fear of it after her traumatic experience_

_(I SWEAR I LOVE UHURA, but I am a person with strange kinks and would enjoy this and am certain someone out there agrees, even if they are likewise embarrassed.)_

**_So there you go. Feel free to complain about my writing, but not about being offended :)_**

* * *

Spock had always been a little insecure in his relationship. He never quite understood why a beautiful, intelligent girl like Nyota would be interested in him, and he certainly never thought that he deserved her. But there was something about her smile, about the way she talked to him that made his day a little brighter and in the end he made the leap. He loved her in a way he couldn't quite describe.

He tried to tell her how he felt once and it came out "marry me" and they had a beautiful wedding on the Academy grounds, looking into the bay. With the destruction of Vulcan still fresh in their minds, the ceremony was subdued, but there were still speeches and congratulations and dancing, which scandalized the Vulcan guests.

That night after the festivities ended, Spock crept close to Nyota and put his hands on her face. She understood immediately: he had to complete their union. He had to go into her mind. And he was afraid.

He had never thought that she could like him the way he was, and now that she did, he was afraid she'd recoil when she saw all of him. He stared into her eyes for one last minute before he put his fingers on her forehead and pushed until he saw himself looking back at her, beads of sweat dripping down his face. In her mind, he felt a shield. She had braced herself. She was prepared for anything.

She thought he might not love her. Not in the way she felt it. She thought she might look into his mind and find nothing but logic and probabilities and conclusions. Spock brought the feeling up from his chest and let it spill through her. And then he felt shock. She had prepared herself for love. She had prepared herself for coldness. She had not prepared herself for how broken he was.

In his head, Spock cursed. How could he have not hidden it from her for even a minute?

"It's okay," she soothed him and he opened up again.

He felt broken. Since birth, people had done nothing but reject him. At first, he'd lashed out. Fought back. But that had been the good part. The part before he had started to believe that he deserved it.

There were his parents—who were they? A Vulcan and a human who had happened to fall in love? Two activists whose belief in interspecies co-operation had shaded every aspect of their lives? Two people who were foolish enough to believe that love really would conquer all? Spock and hundreds of columnists didn't know.

He did know that they'd kept him there. And now that he was older, now that he had left, he knew that it would have been so much better for him on Earth. His father had argued that there would still be bullies, there would still be prejudice and that humans mostly just pretended to be tolerant. Now Spock knew that his father had only said that because most Vulcans were still civil to him. He had no concept of what it was like to be around people who didn't even bother to pretend.

And even his father looked down on him. He had never said or done anything, but Spock just knew. It was in his eyes, the way he looked at him. The way he was almost too surprised, too please by his success. Only his mother looked at him and only saw her son. It was she who always suggested that they go back to Earth. It was her who always talked so much and did so little.

So he'd trudged on. He'd done what people said. He'd buried everything he was and thanked them as they despised him for it. He'd let them tell him what to want and then hate him when he got it.

And now, she could feel his pain. She could feel his anguish. And instead of shock or revulsion or pity, Spock felt duty. Responsibility. She had promised to love and respect him and she was going to do it no matter what.

It was a strangely Vulcan feeling.

He relaxed and felt her love spill over him. It was sweet and good and pure and it tamed his fear of rejection. He savoured it as he felt her lean forward and kiss him. And he sent the feeling back. He'd been beaten and broken and rejected, but he had something left and he loved her with all of it.

When he woke up later in the night he contentedly rolled the evening around in his head for a few minutes before he started to worry. What if she had changed her mind? What if she'd felt different now that it had sunk in. He had to check and make sure. Moving over, he put his hands on her forehead and opened his mind. The movement was too much and she woke up.

He quickly tried to hide it, to lie that he had just wanted to see into her mind again because he liked the feeling, but she had already seen right through him. She sidled up to him and lifted his arm over her so he could touch her temples.

"We can sleep like this," she whispered, and she seemed to understand. His mother was dead and she was all he had left. He had been rejected so much and still opened up and he wasn't sure if he could handle rejection again.

She shifted again, and her feelings were different. She was glad. Glad she had him. Glad they were together. He relished the glow as she drifted off to sleep. And he was pleased. More pleased than he would ever show, even through the link. But he also felt a little wistful. He couldn't help but think that the feeling was too good to last.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Warning: This section has a rape in it. You have been warned._**

* * *

Spock and Nyota had wanted to spend some time on Earth after the wedding, but life in Starfleet didn't afford those sorts of luxuries. The day afterwards, they packed up their things and beamed aboard the Enterprise. Kirk gave them their choice of quarters and in the next few days several crew members came by to offer their congratulations. After that, it was life as usual.

But it was different as well. Life had a different routine. While before, Spock had spent every waking hour working, either on his daily tasks or extra research projects, now he spent most of his time outside his shifts with Nyota. They would have dinner in the mess hall with their friends and then go back to their quarters and watch the news. Then, they would read or catch up on work or talk until they went to bed. Usually, it was out loud, but sometime he would lean in and touch her and they would talk though the link. Spock liked to see her smile, so he would often send her humorous anecdotes from her day accompanied by wild speculation. Sometimes, he would feel her amusement accompanied by her affection through the link, and would be pleased that he could make her happy even if he wasn't quite sure she had picked the right man to do it.

The night it happened hadn't been a one for joking, though. Nyota was upset because an ensign standing next to her had been shot a day earlier. She was always a bit sensitive about these things. At first, Spock had held her and tried to calm her through the link, but she was human and needed to work through it, not suppress it. It was awhile before he realized that it was enough just to hold her.

Eventually, she was feeling better and Spock went and did some work while she caught up on messages to her friends back on Earth. Then they went to sleep, Nyota tucked under Spock's arm like they had slept on their wedding night. He could see in her mind that it made her feel safe.

Or well, they hadn't gone straight to sleep. As their minds had joined, their bodies had as well. In the dark, they had explored each other until the pleasure had ricocheted between them. It was beautiful, loving and intensely private. It was something that they hardly ever discussed outside of their minds.

Spock gave her one last kiss before they went to sleep and rested his hands across her forehead so he could share her dreams.

When Spock awoke later that night, he was surprised to find her gone. She would sometimes get called to the bridge in the middle of the night, but the Comm. usually woke Spock. For the past day, they had been on their way to meet a ship that had transmitted a distress signal, so it made sense that her translating skills had been needed. He figured that he must be sleeping more deeply than usual.

Spock put on his uniform and walked towards the bridge. It was then that he felt himself being transported.

"Where is the Vulcan?" he heard someone demand angrily in the distance as he felt himself begin to materialize.

"I have the others," another voice excused himself, and Spock felt himself fade away again.

"But it is the Vulcan we are after!" the first voice declared, sounding even more enraged, but distant.

Spock finally felt himself materialize again. He looked around and saw he was on the bridge of a small ship. A tall man in a cloak was talking harshly to a shorter man.

"There he is," the short one stated, sounding relieved. The tall one turned to look at Spock, his cloak flailing. It was a face that Spock would never forget.

Nero.

Spock looked at him, stunned, enraged and horrified. How had he survived? He was about to demand and explanation when he heard a friendly voice,

"Nice of you to drop in."

Spock saw Kirk standing next to him. Nyota was with him, still in her nightgown.

"Well, now that we're all here, maybe you could get to whatever business you have with us," Kirk proclaimed.

Nero looked at him and snarled,

"You are here so that I can avenge the destruction of my planet, the death of several crew members and the ruin of a plan that was so many years in the making."

He spoke the words clearly.

Kirk looked unimpressed.

"Nero," he said, stepping forward, "I've been thinking that maybe we can work things out."

Spock froze for an instant before he realized what Kirk was doing. He was trying to get a good look around the ship.

"I mean, we both have a lot of built up anger," Kirk stated with mock-reasonableness. Spock gave Nyota a glance and she moved towards the communications console.

"And we've both done some stupid things that have harmed people that don't really deserve it," Kirk continued in a loud, deep voice.

Spock scanned the rest of the bridge. The ship was small. It probably couldn't even make it to Earth. He looked at Kirk uneasily and saw that he had figured the same thing. Nero's motives couldn't be anything other than torture or death. He didn't have enough of a ship for any sort of plot.

The best they could do was buy time and try to contact the ship. Among the three of them, someone was bound to notice they were missing sooner or later. Kirk droned on.

"I mean, why do we have so much built-up anger? We could be moving on with our lives, letting bygones be by—"

Spock heard a snap. One of Nero's men had seen Nyota using the console and grabbed her. Spock wanted to go and help, but that would be leaving a good position and was the sort of behaviour that would get them banned from ever serving together. Eventually, she got herself free and walked back towards the two of them.

Nero looked irritated at this development.

"Follow me," he said, wielding a phasor and glaring at his crew, "I think it is best we get off these three off the bridge before they can do any more damage."

It wasn't far to the lower deck, and they followed carefully, knowing that Nero didn't have any good reason not to shoot them. The deck was filled with cargo crates, but there was a makeshift brig, a few cells with bars in the corner.

"Get in," Nero said, letting his finger brush against the phasor button. He pushed Kirk and Spock in one at a time with his free hand, and moved to do the same with Uhura, but on second thought pulled her away instead and locked the door.

With the phaser still trained on her, he took Nyota's hand and lifted it.

"I saw the most interesting news story a few weeks back," Nero mused, "That young Spock, hero of the Federation, belied by the tragic loss of his planet and his mother was getting married to a beautiful fellow crewman."

Nero leaned back and admired Nyota before adding,

"She is very beautiful."

He turned towards the cage to look at Spock, and then looked back at Nyota again.

"Of course, my wife was beautiful too, before you killed her."

"I think you have the wrong man," Spock said dryly, desperate to say something.

Nero almost smiled,

"I know who you are. And I need for you to understand the pain I suffer. I would have thought it would be enough to destroy your planet. To kill your mother. But no, you go on, having the things that you denied to me."

Spock felt a terrible feeling rise up in his stomach. He suddenly felt sure that Nero was going to shoot Nyota in front of him. Instead, he put his phaser on a crate.

"Very lovely girl," he articulated, putting a hand out and bunching her cheeks in it. She made a face at him.

"You're not giving me a chance," he smiled, his hand still on her chin.

Kirk gasped audibly as he suddenly grabbed her nightgown and pulled it over her head. Nyota struggled to get it back, but he tossed it behind a crate. She looked at him sternly, as if to say she didn't find his game amusing.

"Perfect specimen," Nero breathed, taking one breast in his hand, tugging on it and letting it fall back. Nyota tried to pull away, but he held her firmly with a hand around her waist.

Spock yanked at the lock on the cell, but it didn't yield. He knew a fair bit about locks. He didn't think he would be able to get it open, but still, he pried at it, not taking his eyes from Nero and Nyota.

Loosening his grip on her waist, Nero began to open his pants. He did it slowly and painstakingly, undoing each button and then pulling out his member and stroking it in his hand.

It was the horrible, disjoint moment when Spock realized what was going to happen next.

Nyota realized it too, and her face turned terrified. She turned to run away, but Nero's arm was already clamped around her waist. Spock felt momentarily hopeful as he saw her fight back: scratching, kicking and biting. But then logic struck and he realized that Nyota's strength was no match for his and therefore would be no match for Nero's. He had to get to her. He began slamming at the door of the cell wildly. He had to get it open.

Nero forced Nyota to the floor, as if he thought her attempts at resistance were amusing. That was when Nyota started screaming.

"Spock!," she shrieked, "Help me!"

She turned her head to look at him pleadingly.

She slapped at Nero's arms as Spock shook the door as hard as he could trying to break the lock. As he watched Nero bear down, he slammed harder and harder, pounding manically at the bars, pulling at the door until he thought his bones would break.

"Spock!," he heard her yell as Nero entered her fully. She let out a terrible shriek and started sobbing.

"Spock ..." she whimpered, a bit quieter this time, tears running down her cheeks.

"Admit you like it," Nero hissed, and Nyota began to sob louder, "Better than that Vulcan who calls himself your husband."

Spock moved to try the lock again, but Kirk grabbed his hand. It was bleeding. He had cut himself.

"Try not to watch," Kirk whispered. Spock looked at his face and it was full of disgust and disbelief.

Spock tried to come up with an argument or an idea, but started to shake instead. Kirk seemed to read his mind.

"I wish I had an idea, but I don't. All we can do is buy time and hope someone comes to get us," he whispered with a sigh which Spock could hear Nyota's sobs over.

Spock gave the lock one last tug not wanting to admit that Kirk was right.

But he couldn't stop watching.

She had ceased crying mostly, but her face was still red and swollen from the tears. Her eyes were closed and her face was blank as if she knew she wasn't going to be able to do anything and just wanted it to be over. It was an agonizing few minutes before he lifted up off her and did his pants up.

Slowly, Nyota sat up and looked around, but she wouldn't look Spock in the eye.

"Now you know what a real man feels like," Nero mused with a touch of amusement.

Nyota reached her hand out and slapped him. He found this amusing too. Spock shook the bars again in frustration, wanting to be free to fight him.

"What, you want me to let you out?" Nero teased, "You know you couldn't take me. You couldn't do anything for her."

Spock was thinking up Romulan vulgarities to throw back when Nero's first officer Ayel walked in. Nero grinned, as if he was pleased to see him.

"What, is this the Vulcan's wife?" Ayel asked, staring down at her naked body.

"No, just his whore," Nero answered, and then he threw his head back and laughed. Spock felt his teeth grind together and his fists clench. Ayel began to laugh as well.

"All yours," Nero continued with a glint of a grin moving his hand to indicate Nyota, "Don't want to be spending too much time with the trash."

The door opened with a whir as Nero exited, and Ayel looked down at the woman in front of him, grinning slightly as if he was unable to believe the good fortune bestowed on him. He was almost drooling as he undid his pants. Nyota gave out a gasp of pain as he pulled her up by her hair and shoved himself into her mouth.

"You can do better than that," he snapped, slapping Nyota across the face. She started moving.

Spock snarled and stared out dejectedly. He had been in her mouth before, but he had always thought it would be disrespectful to put her on her knees.

As Ayel put his hands on the back of Nyota's head and pushed, Spock heard the whir of a door opening, and then the thud of three more men's boots on the floor.

"Nero says you have something down here," one of their voices rang out.

"He's right," said another, almost singing, coming closer.

Spock looked out blankly in horror. He slammed at the door again in anguish. He was revolted by what they were doing to her and hated feeling so helpless.

"Turn around," Spock heard Kirk say. He ignored him.

"That's an order," he said a little more harshly, but still in a quiet voice. For a second, Spock considered throwing him across the cell and refusing, but feeling resigned he turned to face the crates behind him.

He heard the men walk up to Nyota, and then unzipping, and then a brief struggle that ended in an eerie silence.

"Tell me what you saw written on all the panels on the bridge of this ship," Kirk said slowly, and Spock knew what he was doing. He didn't care about panels. He was trying to distract him with questions, like they did when they were trying to prevent shock at the hospital.

He answered, but it didn't stop him from hearing. More slaps against her face. Muffled groans. A deep thump and then a voice exclaiming,

"Don't hit her head, Nero still might want some!"

And then later, a jibe,

"Man, you are sick!"

Spock sat in despair as he described the exact font and characterset.

Finally, they heard the boots leave the room and Spock immediately turned around.

"Nyota!" he yelled.

She was lying on the floor, groaning. She didn't respond.

"They hit her head, she's probably disoriented," Kirk whispered. Spock had thought she might be ignoring him.

"She is still breathing," Spock replied.

It wasn't quite a good thing. Her breath was far too jagged.

They stared for a few minutes, and then Kirk started to ask a question. Spock held out his hand making it clear that he wasn't going to play anymore. He sat down and watched Nyota vigilantly.

He still hadn't moved, hours later, when he heard a loud crash. The ship began to shake, and crates went flying through the cargo bay. One slammed into the cage and bent it. Without thinking of Kirk, without worrying that crates were still flying, he crawled through the bars and ran madly towards Nyota.

He saw her stirring slightly, and thankful that nothing had hit her, scooped her up into his arms and started running. The ship was still shaking, and there was nowhere to go, but irrationally Spock felt that he had to get her somewhere. He ducked underneath a fallen crate and ran towards the door.

Then, he felt himself being transported, and he was running through the transporter room and running into sickbay.


	3. Chapter 3

Running into sickbay, Spock was frantic. He nearly upended a chair as he rushed to put Nyota on the table.

"Can you help her?" he breathed to Dr. McCoy.

He looked at the panicked Spock, confused, as if he might be the one needing medical attention.

"She's not that bad," he said, "It just looks like a bump on the head."

McCoy leaned and examined Nyota with a scanner before he froze with his eyes partially-open.

"Oh God," he whispered, his voice grating. He stared down at the table for a minute before he regained his composure.

"Can you get a gown out of the cupboard?" he asked eventually. Still shaky, Spock sorted through the drawers until he found one and then they carefully dressed Nyota.

"I'm going to try to patch up these fissures before she wakes," the doctor said slowly, after they had finished, looking at Spock.

"Only medical staff are allowed in here during surgery," he added, seeing that Spock hadn't moved from the side of the bed.

Spock grabbed onto the side of the table. He didn't want to leave her, not after what had happened. Seeing McCoy's stern expression, he grounded himself and took a few steps away.

"You know what you are doing, you are not going to make her feel worse?" he asked uneasily, looking at McCoy.

"Of course," he snapped, "I'm a doctor!"

Walking out of the door, Spock felt disoriented. His mind was filled with so many thoughts at once that he couldn't process them. He wanted to be with Nyota. He was ashamed of not saving her. He was disgusted by what he had witnessed. He wanted to kill Nero. He wondered how Nero had got them off the ship in the first place.

At least this was a coherent thought he could act on. Spock stormed to the bridge.

"What happened?" Spock asked as soon as he walked onto the bridge. Kirk was in his chair and there was a skeleton crew manning the consoles.

"Scotty saw that we were gone and made a few shots at the ship so that he could transport us off," Kirk replied, not looking away from the viewscreen.

Spock looked at it too and saw Nero's ship sitting in front of them.

"What are they still doing there?" he demanded. He had assumed that when the ship had been hit, it had been destroyed.

"Scotty put up a photon energy field," Kirk explained, still not turning around, "It interacts with their shields. They're trapped in there like a fly in amber."

The thought of being trapped brought up the image of slamming at the door and not being able to open it in Spock's mind, and for a minute he struggled to surface. Eventually, he broke out in a burst of anger.

"Why have we not destroyed the ship?!" he demanded.

For the first time, Kirk turned around,

"Spock, you know we can't do that."

"Why not?" he demanded wildly, feeling the rage start to well up inside him.

Kirk got up and walked into his ready-room. Spock followed.

"The Federation is coming. They will put him on trial and make him stand up for what he did," Kirk said quickly and evenly.

Spock stared at him lividly. How could he have not done what was so obvious?

"You," he spoke, his voice rising "How can you let them arrest him after ... after ..."

He stammered, not wanting to say the words.

"After what he did to Nyota," he whispered harshly, incensed.

"He also destroyed your home planet," Kirk added, a bit flippantly, "I offered to let him live then, there is no reason to do anything different now."

This was true, but somehow seemed less important at the moment. Spock looked at Kirk, both stunned and enraged at his statement.

"Are you deliberately trying to incite me?" he asked.

Kirk looked unnerved, but responded firmly,

"No, I'm just saying that in the Federation, we don't go around killing people, regardless of their crime."

Spock gave a momentary thought to smashing Kirk's head into the table. Instead, he slammed the door behind him and stormed off the bridge.

Later that day, McCoy brought Nyota back to their quarters, cleaned up with the last trace of physical damage removed. She ignored Spock and sat down in a chair in the living room. It wasn't a rocking chair, but she rocked ever so slightly as she looked into the empty space in front of her. She startled as the door closed behind Dr. McCoy, but then continued staring into space. Spock sat opposite her.

"Nyota ..." he said.

She didn't give any indication of having heard.

"Are you ... alright," he tried again.

She didn't respond to this either. She eventually gave out a loud sigh.

Spock looked at her. He thought she might be more amenable to talking in their minds. He went over and put a hand on her shoulder. She batted it away and then jumped out of her chair.

"Don't touch me!" she yelled in a voice that sounded both furious and like she wanted to cry.

Not knowing what to do, Spock stepped out of their quarters and into the hall. He thought about what he'd felt as she'd touched him. So much anger, fear and shame, spiralling, sparking out of her body. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to think about it.

And she didn't want to talk to Spock. Not when he'd stood there and watched.

Nyota had been given drugs to sleep, but she slept fitfully with nightmares. Staring at Nyota from across the bed, Spock was having trouble sleeping too.

They still had Nero's ship trapped. They still didn't know how Nero had managed to transport people off the ship outside of the transporter bay. Spock felt better keeping an eye on Nyota although he knew it was purely superstitious. If they could still do it, they could take her straight out of his arms. They could take her during the day.

Nyota gave out a bit of a scream. When she'd had bad dreams in the past, Spock had always woke her up. Sometimes, if she was still scared, he would whisper,

"I am here."

That didn't seem to mean so much anymore.

Spock wondered how he had failed her so badly.

There was that moment of hesitation on the bridge. Why hadn't he fought back then? They had been in the same situation so many times before, and he had never helped. An officer that ran to rescue his wife above others was a liability to his crew. But he should have known that Nero was different. He had always been out to get him.

And there was when he had put him in the cage, he could have reeled back then. He should have seen that he was keeping back Nyota then. He should have fought as he closed the door.

Spock pictured fighting Nero. He pictured pulling him away from Nyota and pounding him, tearing his flesh, slamming his head into the floor until it bled. There were so many things he would do to him if he had the chance.

Spock looked over at Nyota. He wanted to put his arms around her, but he couldn't think of a good enough reason. To hold her? To protect her? That didn't seem to mean much anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: I have done some rewriting on the last two chapters to make them more coherent and add some things, but it doesn't materially change the plot. It you feel like going back and rereading, it's recommended :) If not, you still should be able to keep up.**_

_**A/N2: Thanks to the people who helped me with the rewrite. I won't name them because I don't want to share my hatemail, but you know who you are :)**_

* * *

He didn't know how it had happened, but somehow Spock dozed off. He dreamed that he was back on the ship with Nero. He and Nyota were chatting happily, as if they were in there quarters and not on an enemy ship.

Suddenly, Nero burst in and grabbed her from in front of him like he wasn't even there. Spock reeled back towards Nero. He could hear Nyota screaming and crying and fighting him, but it was to no avail. Spock walked forward and tried to wrest her out of Nero's arms. He pulled at her waist and she slipped free a bit, but then Nero pulled her back.

Were they two people who just wanted to be left alone, or was she a thing? Spock wasn't sure anymore. He felt like a two-year-old, about to throw a tantrum. He didn't know why he should have her, but he wanted her. She had said he could have her, didn't that mean she was his?

He began to hit at Nero, wildly, vengefully, without restraint. He didn't just want to get Nyota back. He wanted to hurt him. Spock slammed his fists into Nero, and then grabbed at his face as if he wanted to tear his flesh. He let Nyota go, and Spock yelled at her to run, but there was nowhere to go on the ship. She stood frightened, in a corner, trying to hide herself.

Spock threw a few punches at Nero before he made a fatal realization. He couldn't take Nero. Not with the human half. Not against a full Romulan. His punches were already feeling weak. But he would go down trying.

Spock felt his jaw break, and then his ribcage. He fell on the next blow, as the pieces of bone punctured his organs. He yelled out to Nyota as his knees hit the ground. He heard her feet scurry towards him.

"Spock," she whispered leaning over him, and then Nero grabbed her. He could hear her screams as he carried her off into the distance.

Spock woke with a start, panting. He turned to look at Nyota and was relieved to see that she was still there. He thought of holding her in his arms, but that would only upset her and she still could be transported. He imagined himself going crazy and wrapping the room in tin foil, but he wasn't even sure that would work, because no one had any idea how they had been transported off the ship. Spock slammed the closet door as he put his shoes on. It didn't wake Nyota from her drug-induced sleep.

"Mr. Scott," Spock yelled as soon as he got down to engineering, "Is there any word on how we were transported off the ship?"

"No, sir," Scotty replied. He looked surprised to see Spock in engineering, especially in his pyjamas.

"Why not?" Spock demanded.

"Well, we looked at the energy signatures that the transporter had left, and there was nothing unusual about them. We could not find any weaknesses in the ship's shields or structural integrity, and we can't rule out the possibility that they're using future technology. The truth is that we don't know where to begin."

Spock's face soured, as if he were about to snarl.

"Can you continue looking into it, please," he said quietly, with a lot of restraint.

"Of course," Scotty said, "Although I must admit that I don't see the point of it. I don't see what you expect us to find."

Spock's eyes narrowed,

"We need to be sure that we are not transported to Nero's ship again."

"No worries," Scotty continued in a friendly tone, "I've got the computer set to check that every crew member's present every minute. If someone does get transported off, we'll know about it right away."

"That is not sufficient," Spock snapped, enraged.

"I'm sorry," Scotty continued, "But that's the best I can do at the moment. I'll keep on investigating, and let you know if anything comes up."

Spock's eyes continued to pierce his.

"I mean it might be unpleasant, but how much could happen in a few min—"

The anger grew, and Spock felt his mind unhinge. It was like he was watching himself. He grabbed Scotty's throat and throttled him while slamming his head with his fist. Scotty looked startled and then sputtered and then tried to move Spock's hand off his throat. Spock thought he heard someone call for security in the distance. He continued pushing.

He felt a pair of arms clamp down on his shoulders and then another try to pull his arms away. He broke free for a minute, but then a third man restrained him. He snarled as he was dragged away. Spock looked up and saw Scotty in front of him leaning over and gasping for breath, and then standing up and rubbing his throat. This brought him closer to his senses.

"Spock!" he heard the captain yell. He didn't turn to look at him.

"Should we take him to the brig?" one of the security officers asked.

"No, he can come with me," Kirk replied. He led Spock up to his ready-room and told him to take a seat.

"Spock," he said, "You can't be doing that."

Spock looked at him,

"He said that there was nothing he could do to keep us on the ship."

"He's doing the best he can," Kirk spoke earnestly, "I talked to him earlier today."

"But ..." Spock stammered, "He could take her again. He could take us again."

Kirk lowered his head, as if he was speaking to a child,

"Spock, I really don't think he's going to try it again, and if he does, we'll know within a minute."

Spock felt the anger rise in his chest again.

"That is not acceptable," he spat, and after a minute added, "And how can you say that? You were there!"

"Spock," Kirk said with forced calm, "I understand your family has to come first for you, but I have the whole ship to worry about. I know what happened sucks, but you can't go around attacking officers in your pyjamas. There's really no excuse for that."

Spock stood and stared at him, half-contemplating whether Kirk was worth attacking too.

"Go home," Kirk whispered with his voice rising, "Spend some time with Nyota and work out whatever you need to work out. But when you come back, I expect you to be behaving reasonably towards everyone, do I make myself clear?"

Spock gave Kirk one last glare as he backed away. He didn't give an answer.


	5. Chapter 5

Irate, Spock stumbled into his quarters and slammed down his boots as he took them off. Nyota was sitting at the kitchen table and startled as each boot hit the floor. She had a muffin in front of her, but instead of eating it, she poked the blueberries dejectedly and watched the juice ooze into the muffin. She looked up at Spock and looked back down without saying anything.

"How are you feeling?" Spock asked her cautiously, still standing.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" she groaned.

"Who keeps asking you that?" Spock asked. He didn't think she had left their quarters since her return.

"Dr. McCoy," she said, "He came by to give me some cream for the cuts he fixed, he says they itch sometimes ... and to have a chat."

Nyota shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the table.

"What did you chat about?" Spock snapped suspiciously.

She looked up at him with an expression that was slightly horrified.

"Spock!" she said, "It's doctor McCoy."

Spock raised an eyebrow. She picked up her muffin, went into the bedroom and slammed the door.

For the next few hours, Spock mulled over trying to talk to Nyota, but decided that she had made it pretty clear that she wanted to be left alone. Spock went outside and paced down the corridors, and found the ship rumbling with plans for Nero's handover. His location had leaked, so handing him over was a matter of utmost security.

"What are you doing out here?" Kirk asked Spock after running into him in a hallway.

"Getting some air," Spock replied offhandedly. Kirk's eyes narrowed.

"Spock," he said finally, "I think it is best that you stay in the habitation area until this whole operation is finished. It's high risk and they won't be shy about firing at people who cause trouble."

Kirk's voice lowered as he spoke.

"You mean they would kill people to protect Nero?" Spock demanded, stunned.

"It's kind of hard to tell the people trying to kill him from the people trying to free him," Kirk answered, turning to resume his path, "Just keep a wide berth."

So when the time came, Spock watched Nero's arrest on the news in his quarters. There were two ships—a penal colony transport, heavily armoured and shielded, and an executive transport carrying the officials who were to supervise the takedown. Spock watched as the prison ship moved next to Nero's and began clamping anchors on the airlock. With a quick pull, the door was yanked off and several men in spacesuits descended into the airlock. After a few minutes, one of them signalled a thumbs up, and the prison ship moved in and docked properly.

Spock flipped to another station, and he flinched as he saw Nero with his hands cuffed behind his back. He swaggered as he was dragged into the prison ship by a large security escort, carrying shields and wearing protective gear. Spock pictured what a stray phaser burst, or even a well-place fist could do to Nero in this situation, and knew that the escort's duty was just as much to protect Nero as to detain him.

Spock snarled involuntarily at the thought.

Once, Nero made a sudden dash for freedom, wresting himself away from the officers that were pulling him, and Spock's heart leapt, hoping that the the phasers on the guards' belts would get pulled, but instead, someone pulled their baton and hit him with it, and he fell back into line. Nero's crew was removed more easily.

The prison ship undocked, and a shuttle descended from the Enterprise. Scotty and an official who had come with the delegation entered Nero's ship. There were a few minutes of commercials, and then there was a clip of the two men exiting with what looked like a transporter and a food replicator. Probably Romulan. Probably futuristic. The shuttle emerged, and then the Enterprise sent off two shots, destroying Nero's ship. The shuttle docked, and the two Federation ships left.

And then they were off into space.

Nyota wasn't watching the news, she had gone to talk to Dr. McCoy. He always called her down under the guise of needing to examine her, but Spock knew he was trying to counsel her.

"I have a lot of experience with this," the doctor had assured Spock, when he had gone to confront him. He had felt a tightening in his stomach, but didn't ask details.

He really didn't want to know.

Crumpling the can of vegetable juice he'd been drinking in once hand, Spock decided that he was tired of having Nyota out of his sight. He got up and walked towards sickbay.

Pacing into the waiting room, Spock saw Nyota through the door. She was sitting on the table talking to McCoy, who was looking back at her kindly. She was close to tears.

"Why?" she wanted to know, "Why me? Why would anyone want to do something like that? Why so many of them?"

"Sometimes bad things happen to good people," McCoy tried.

"But it isn't like our ship got hit by an asteroid," she insisted, "They knew what they were doing. They decided to do it!"

"What do you think that some reasons they might have done it are?" the doctor asked.

Spock walked out the door and paced outside of it until Nyota walked out. He marched back to their quarters beside her.

"Nero was just transferred to the Federation's custody," Spock told her as they entered, not hiding his disdain.

She didn't say anything, but she looked a bit relieved.

"He must be at least a few light years away by now," she murmured eventually. She sat down on a chair and looked up.

"What does that matter?" Spock demanded, "He will not get the justice he deserves!"

"At least he's not within beaming distance of the ship."

Spock looked at her. When the ship was there, it had tormented him, but now it hardly seemed to matter. He opened his mouth to argue, but saw that Nyota had lowered her head and was crying silently. He walked over to her.

He held his hand out to link, and there was a glint of anger in her eye, as if she were about to bat it away again, but it subsided and she nodded. Spock put his hand on her forehead and cleared his mind.

Spock felt a searing anger rise up his arm and into him. It was blinding. She was intentionally projecting, directing her anger at him. Spock tried to project calm, but she defiantly blocked it.

Spock fell back, and let the feeling fill his mind. It was a clawing, irrational rage. It was chaotic. Every once in awhile, Spock could make out a person she was angry with. Him. Nero. Kirk. The Starfleet recruiter that had visited her high school. Dr. McCoy. Herself. And there were so many reasons. She felt violated, abandoned, ashamed, misled. She wanted to scream, but she wasn't quite sure at who or why.

Subtly, Spock tried to calm her again, and it died down. He could see into her mind better now. She was afraid in a way that she had never been afraid before. She had always considered the Enterprise to be a fairly safe place. Sure, there was the risk of accidents, but she had never really taken it seriously and always joked that at least she wouldn't know she was dead. But now there seemed to be danger everywhere. In her own quarters. In her own bed. And her husband, her friend who she had trusted to protect her had proved false. She couldn't trust anyone any more.

And beneath it all, she hated what had happened. She hated that it had changed things. She had seen herself as the sort of person who could cope with anything. She was upset that she couldn't brush it off. She was ashamed to have become the sort of person that these things happened to. She was embarrassed not to be able to control her feelings well enough to function. And she just wanted to get back to her life.

Spock changed their positions so that she was sitting in his lap, and she didn't resist. He tried to absorb her feelings and dissipate them. But as he held her, he worried. He worried he couldn't help her. He worried she wouldn't be the same again.


	6. Chapter 6

Spock and Nyota linked twice more before she started blocking. Spock didn't like it. He thought it was unnatural.

"You are holding back," he whispered as he put his fingers to her forehead.

She denied it for an instant, but then fell back.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," she said, "I want to talk about normal things!"

Spock projected his reluctance, but she didn't give in. Her feelings remained wrapped in a bubble somewhere in the back of her mind. Spock tried to reach in, but she snapped at him so harshly, he didn't try again.

"What do you think of Scotty's new haircut?" she asked eventually.

But she seemed so distant.

The next day, Nyota was up and in her uniform.

"Are you sure you are ready?" Spock asked, surprised.

"I'm fine!" she yelled, giving him a dirty look as she put on her boots.

When they got up to the bridge, Nyota marched across it and told Kirk that she wanted to be scheduled for her regular shifts.

"I figure I'm not doing myself any good, sitting around and moping," she told him, and he flashed her a wide grin.

But she wasn't the composed bridge officer she had been before. She was shaky.

At first, Spock had worried that she would crack and do something wildly inappropriate, but he soon realized that this wouldn't be the case. It was the small things.

She was easily distracted, and sometimes Kirk would have to ask her questions twice. And she had trouble coming up with potential solutions to a problem on the spot, which was something that she had always been good at. Spock waited for Kirk to reprimand her, but he didn't seem to notice. Or maybe he wanted to give her some leeway, at least for awhile.

They started eating in the mess hall again, but Nyota never wanted to talk to anyone. She would always put her cardigan down on a table for two before she went to get her food, as if she was afraid that all the tables would fill up and she would be forced to talk to someone. And she even had trouble ordering. Once, when the lady behind the counter asked her whether she wanted potatoes or cauliflower, she wavered, and then stared blankly into space.

"Potatoes, you do not like cauliflower," Spock prompted, and she picked up the container in front of her. Spock thought she might just be tired, as she was having trouble sleeping and refused to take any drugs for it, but then the next day, she did the same thing again.

But it was worst when they were in their quarters. They still did the same things, talking, reading, watching TV, but it wasn't the same. Before, she had been so open, laughing all the time, sharing everything. Now, she would sit quietly with a blank expression on her face. Spock would try to talk to her sometimes, but it always seemed forced. He had to ask her questions, and she wouldn't always answer.

He tried to link with her sometimes, but she would always flat-out refuse.

"Why do you always want look into my mind anyways?" she demanded once.

"You used to enjoy it," Spock answered, not wanting to give the real reason.

She made a face at him.

"You still seem upset," he went out on an edge, "Perhaps I can help you."

For the first time in what seemed like ages, the expression on her face changed. She looked enraged.

"I'm fine!" she yelled, "I'm fine! I'm fine!"

Eventually, Spock broke down and asked Dr. McCoy for help, but he didn't have any suggestions.

"All I can say is that what you're describing to me is fairly normal. Just make sure she knows that she can talk to you whenever she wants to start talking again."

But he got the feeling that McCoy was waiting for the explosion.

Spock felt helpless. He couldn't get her to talk to him. He couldn't make things right for her. He wondered what she had inside her head that she was trying so hard to hide from him. Was she angry at him? Did she secretly hate him? Spock worried that he had lost her forever.

Spock took to following Nero's trial obsessively. On some level, he was still plotting vengeance. On bad days, he would come up with impossible plots and imagine killing him slowly and grotesquely. But it was mostly fantasy. He was beginning to accept that justice would be done by the Federation.

Nero's trial had become a three ring circus, with the best lawyers on both sides. Currently, it was in the pre-trial motions stage. They were arguing about whether he was considered a war criminal, in which case he was eligible for the death penalty or was just accused of six billion counts of premeditated murder, in which case he was not. Of course, a rape didn't even register next to all of this, and wasn't mentioned.

"I really couldn't care less what they do with him," Nyota had said once while they were watching, and made him change the channel, so now Spock watched the news on the subject alone. He had ample opportunity, as Nyota had started leaving their quarters around seven some nights to avoid Gaila.

"She's just here because she wants to watch her Orion soap operas on our big screen!" Nyota had hissed when she had come by the day after she had returned to the bridge.

But this had always been the case, and Nyota had always let her in before.

"Tell her I'm not here!" she spat, but Spock had refused to lie. They didn't answer the door and eventually Gaila left.

One night, after Nyota had made a mad dash to avoid a new episode of _She Left Me for the Stars_, Spock turned to a news station. A judge had declared that Nero wasn't eligible for the death penalty. There was scores of commentary, including many Vulcans saying that regardless of what had happened, this ruling was consistent with their views as a non-violent people.

Spock clenched the arm of his chair in his hand and thought that Vulcans' moral superiority had never quite irritated him as much as it did now.

He heard the door open, and Nyota walked in. She scanned the room anxiously, as if she was afraid that Gaila might have decided to stay around and wait for her. She breathed a sigh of relief and sat down. Then she glanced at the TV.

"Why are you watching that crap?" she asked Spock, "It's just a bunch of people's opinions on things that didn't happen to them."

Spock looked at her.

"They just ruled that Nero is ineligible for the death penalty," he stated.

Nyota shrugged and leaned back in her chair.

Spock was past snapping, but he felt something bend and tear a little.

"How can you think that?" he demanded.

"Well, it's not like they're going to let him go," Nyota replied, "So it doesn't really matter."

She sounded so much like the Vulcans on the news.

"How can you say that?" he spat, "After what he did to you? We had such a good life together. I had finally found someone who cared about me. Who understood me. And he ruined that. He took that away from me."

Nyota looked at Spock for a long while with a blank expression. And then she started crying. At first, it was just a few tears seeping from her eyes, but then they started.

"But ..." she whispered, looking at him and breathing, "But I'm still here."

* * *

_**A/N: Don't forget to review, even if you weren't offended!**_


	7. Chapter 7

Nyota sat silently for the rest of the evening. She looked alternately upset and contemplative, but she remained on her perch on the sofa. Spock tried to talk to her, but she refused, so eventually he gave up and read though the rest of the news.

When he went to change into his pyjamas, Nyota was waiting for him. She was sitting on the bed, cross-legged in a short night dress. When he walked in, she got up and kissed him. Spock felt her arms clamp around his back as she started kissing him more heavily.

There had been a time, right after the attack that Spock had wanted to sleep with her. It had been a deep, twisted biological desire to rid her of Nero's stuff that he had desperately tried to purge from his mind. But now, he didn't really want to. Not after what had happened. Not with the state she was in. He pushed her away, still holding one hand.

"Are you sure you are ready for this?" he whispered over the link, and fear seeped back. It was a strange, jumbled fear. Fear of the act. Fear of rejection. It was a minute before he understood. She was afraid that he would sleep with her, but she was more afraid he wouldn't.

He tried to tell her that it was okay, that he would wait until she was ready. She sent back a pang of frustration. No, it wasn't okay at all. It would be okay if it was a sacrifice. But he didn't even want her.

He felt a cloud of despair well up inside her, and then a flash of desperation. This couldn't be going south like this. It had to work. It had to make him want her again. She had to show him that he could still love her, that she was still good. It was that desperation that kept Spock from pulling away completely.

As he drew her closer and put his arms around her, her fears began subside. Her body was warm and comforting against his, and it had been so long since he had held her like this. Spock savoured the feeling, and for a single, foolish instant, he thought it might be okay, that this might be the beginning of working things out. But then he looked into her mind and saw how cool and mechanical it was—she wasn't ardent or even affectionate. She didn't want show him how she felt. She wanted to prove something.

Although he didn't like to do it, Spock tried to block. He couldn't let her see how disturbed he was by her seeing pleasing him as a chore. But he couldn't stop now, even though the block he could feel that she was terrified of being rejected. Spock decided that it would be best if he just tried to get it over with quickly.

Strengthening his mental guards, Spock pulled off her nightdress and looked at her body. Dr. McCoy had removed every blemish, but there were still signs. She hadn't been eating properly and was a lot thinner than she'd been before the attack. There was a bruise on her leg from when she'd tripped over a console while not paying attention on the bridge.

Stifling the thought, Spock pulled her closer and ran his hands across her body, willing himself to get aroused. But the skin contact strengthened the link, letting him see her fear, her anger, her shame. He broke his touch and prompted her to help him undress.

She started by unbuttoning his shirt, which went fine, but as she worked at his belt, she was terrified. He didn't need the link to know this. She was shaking. He tried to put a finger to her temple, but she pulled it away. Finally, she got the belt off and removed his pants in one long jerk.

Cautiously, courageously, she stepped towards him and put her arms around him. The link opened again, and Spock felt himself be flooded with anxiety and fear. But it wasn't this that bothered Spock, it was what was beneath it. She was naked and in his arms, but she was thinking of _him_.

Spock felt an anger that he couldn't hold back. He let it gush through her. He felt sadness leak back, and worse, a stark, stabbing feeling of inadequacy. She didn't think she was good enough for him anymore. The feeling pierced Spock to his very being. He couldn't let her feel like that.

He lifted her up gently in his arms and put her on the bed. He kissed her and stroked her cheeks softly, slowly pulling her close, but as he moved to hover over her, fear began to waft across the link. He tried to pull back, but she kept her arms clamped around him.

"Please," she whispered out loud, and once again, he felt her grating desperation.

Trying to ignore her feelings, trying to keep going, Spock moved closer. Out of habit, he scanned her naked body, having always liked to to admire it before he took it. But the way she was sprawled made him think of her sprawled on the floor of Nero's ship, and Spock felt a sickness rise in his stomach. He froze for a minute before he managed to purge it from his mind.

More carefully now, trying to to look at her, Spock moved his body against hers. But the more he touched her, the more of her mind he could see, and the more piercing her fear was. He couldn't get aroused. Eventually kneeled upright, breaking the link and stroking his manhood in his hand.

As he hardened, an image of Nero doing the same thing flashed into his mind. His slow, wicked tone as he taunted them. His wild grin as he shoved Nyota to the floor.

Trying to shake the thought, Spock resumed the link with Nyota, and from her fear, he could tell she had experienced the same thing. Hoping to distract her, Spock tried to be gentle, tried to be different. He kissed her and caressed her breasts and spread her legs with long, feathery touches. A film formed over her fear and Spock thought she might be ready. Slowly, he positioned himself and bore down. He felt her softness envelope him.

It was a few seconds later that she began to panic. It was a sheer, searing panic, accompanied by gasps and shaking. She started crying. She screamed.

Quickly, he wrapped her in a blanket and sat her upright. He touched her forehead, and she seemed slightly calmer, but he could still only tolerate the feeling for a few seconds before he had to break away.

Spock had read somewhere that feeding a panicked person something sweet could help calm them down, so he got a soda from the kitchen. He wasn't sure if it was the sweetness or the distraction of drinking something, but she calmed down somewhat. When she was done, he sat down next to her and put his arms around her. She started sobbing.

"You don't want me anymore do you?" she cried. Spock didn't reply, and let the fact that he was still sitting there with his arms around her do the talking.

"I tried to be good for you ..." she whispered, trailing off before being wracked with a new series of sobs, "I just feel so _useless_."

"I just want everything to back to the way it was," she whispered, "But it's so hard."

Spock didn't try to say that it was okay because they both knew it wasn't.

* * *

**_A/N: Sorry for the late update, I've been travelling and working on a new S/U fic _Sunset_._**

**_Don't forget to review, it's great hearing from you guys!_**


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, Nyota was a wreck. Her face was puffy and Spock could tell she hadn't slept at all. He waited for her to get up and put on her uniform, but she didn't, and eventually he asked,

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

She shook her head vigorously.

"Is it okay if I ask McCoy to check on you?"

She shrugged, which he supposed was a more positive than response than the last one.

Spock walked down to the bridge.

"Nyota is not up to her shift today," he told Kirk discretely as soon as he walked onto the bridge.

"What do you mean, not up to it?" Kirk demanded, "This is a starship. People can't just skip their shifts because they're not up to it!"

"She did not have a good night," Spock tried again, wondering if Kirk hadn't understood what he had said, "You know what happened."

Kirk spun around and glared at Spock.

"She's not sick is she? Because she can't expect to use that as an excuse for days off for the rest of her life."

Not having enough energy left for rage, Spock decided that he was done arguing with Kirk.

"I will accept Dr. McCoy's judgement on the matter," he replied curtly.

There was a heavy silence between them as they walked to sickbay. McCoy seemed surprised to see them both storm in.

"What can I do for you two?" he asked.

"Kirk wants to know why Nyota is not at her shift," Spock stated before Kirk could say anything.

"That is a private matter between a doctor and a patient," the doctor said curtly.

"But from what Spock said, she is not ill," Kirk replied, feigning confusion.

"That is a private matter between a doctor and a patient," the doctor repeated, making it clear that he was not going to elaborate on the matter.

"I don't see—" Kirk started.

"Who are you kidding?" McCoy interrupted loudly, "We're in the middle of open space. You have no urgent need for her. I'm the Chief Medical Officer. My judgement supersedes yours in this situation!"

Kirk opened his mouth as if to argue, but then spat,

"Fine!" and stormed out of sickbay.

McCoy breathed heavily, stomped towards some cupboards and began slamming them closed.

"Medical confidentiality," the doctor spat, "Is an interesting concept. And one I think that the captain could benefit from changing his view on."

He picked up some beakers and began putting them in the sink with loud clanks. Spock could tell he didn't want to be interrupted.

"I mean, on a ship this size, there's a lot of people, and there's bound to be some misunderstandings. But somehow, it always seems to be the same names that come up over and over."

He pulled a towel off the rack with a loud tug and began to dry the beakers.

"And of course, it could just be that they're players, and the more partners you have, the more likely you are to upset one, particularly if you don't treat them especially well. But then, if you're a doctor as long as me, you start to get a feeling for who might be telling the truth, and you start to wonder ..."

Spock looked at McCoy, shocked.

"You do not mean to say that —"

McCoy held his hand out to silence him. Then, he began to chuckle darkly, under his breath, and gave Spock an ironic grin that seemed a moment away from hysterical laughter.

"Don't you see?" he whispered, "I can't tell you."

When Spock got back after his shift, he was surprised to see Nyota dressed and sitting at the kitchen table, working on a PADD. He walked towards her.

"Can you lock the door?" she asked.

"It will lock automatically after two minutes," Spock answered.

"Please," she said, "Can you lock it?"

Spock punched the command into the computer.

He went back to the table and saw that Nyota was working on some sort of psychobabble worksheet.

"I thought that you said that that stuff was 'crap'," he commented.

"McCoy says that might only be ninety-eight percent crap, and I could really use the two percent right now."

Spock had to admit that there was a touch of logic in that statement.

Nyota missed all her shifts that week, and when she did go back, she worked in the lab and not on the bridge. It bothered Spock that she was still so shaky, but at least she was getting some sense about it.

Nyota started talking to McCoy a lot. She was scheduled once a week, but Spock also sometimes heard her asking him questions over the Comm., and twice she had gotten up in the middle of the night to talk to him. She had said that she needed some air and was going for a walk, but Spock knew where she was going.

This bothered him more than he wanted to admit. Logically, he knew he had nothing to worry about. McCoy was a friend, he had expertise on how to cope and he had been trying to help them since day one. But he couldn't keep conspiracy theories about McCoy being secretly involved with Nyota from popping up in his head.

Maybe being attacked by so many men had somehow ruined the sanctity of their relationship and left her open to seeing other men. Or maybe this whole thing had made her think that she needed a human husband who she could really relate to.

Spock almost confronted McCoy. Almost. He had come charging into sickbay after one of her sessions to give him a piece of his mind, but then logic had taken over, and he had turned around and walked out.

"Those feelings are normal!" McCoy yelled out after him.

Which meant one of two things. Either those feelings were normal, or McCoy was seeing Nyota and was extremely clever. Spock knew it was probably the former, but it bothered him that after spending so long trying to get Nyota to talk, she had decided to talk to someone else.

But Spock had to admit that she was getting better. It wasn't a miraculous recovery by any shot, but at least she had started talking to him a bit, explaining her bizarre logic as to why she had to wear two layers of clothing to bed, check that no one had overridden the security system and avoid all of her friends, especially Gaila, instead of sitting blankly in the corner. And she seemed to be getting less weird over time, or maybe Spock was just getting used to it.

One day, Spock looked up on the bridge and was surprised to see Nyota march across into Kirk's ready room. He thought that maybe she wanted her shift back, but when he walked past the door, he could hear through the soundproofing that she was screaming at him. It was almost half an hour before she stormed out, and for the rest of the day, Kirk seemed mildly shell-shocked.

"Good for you," Spock told her at dinner, although he had no idea what she had actually yelled at him about.

He knew that for a long time, Kirk might be his Captain. But he would never again be his friend.

* * *

_**A/N: This is the penultimate chapter. Please review, because you're running out of chances (and I like reading them :)**_


	9. Chapter 9

Nyota was starting to want more attention and it made Spock uncomfortable. Before, there had been rules, and routines and the general feeling that Nyota wouldn't be too upset at him regardless of what he did. But now, he didn't know where the boundaries were.

One night, while Spock was watching Nero's trial, Nyota paused for a minute apprehensively and then climbed onto his lap and flipped to _Weddings and Warp Cores_. After the surprise had passed, Spock wondered if it was okay to put his arms around her. Before, when she'd made him watch boring shows, he would play with her ears or make bite-marks in her shoulders while waiting for her full attention.

Slowly, he snaked his arms around her and she didn't resist. But when he moved his face towards hers, she pulled away. She didn't want to link. So Spock spent the rest of the hour trying to care whether Cyrano got together with Roxanne, but he felt like he was on tenterhooks, worrying that he might do the wrong thing.

And another night, after Gaila had finished knocking on the door, Nyota asked him if he wanted to play chess. As usual, part way through the game, she started cheating. She coyly picked up one of his pawns and removed it, and then moved her knight one square too many.

He remembered once, a couple of weeks after they were married, Nyota had tried to move one of his pieces, a he had grabbed her arm to stop her and they had linked. Drawn by the sheer mischievousness of how she was feeling, he had picked her up and started kissing her and then carried her into bed, accusing her over the link of being just too attractive to resist.

"No, no, no, you're just mad because I'm winning," she'd yelled out loud, but he hadn't put her down until he'd pulled back the sheets.

Spock wondered if they would ever play those games again.

But chess was chess and that usually meant no touching.

"That move is not legal," Spock told Nyota instead.

"Yes it is" she replied with a hint of a smile, "It's called castling."

"Castling," Spock said disdainfully, "Usually involves castles."

Nyota shrugged and picked up one of his castles and removed it from the board. Spock glared at her, and then noticed that she was looking nervous, almost frightened.

"Spock," she asked in a whisper, her voice shaking, "Why did you stop trying to help me?"

Spock looked at her with a touch of confusion, not quite sure what she was talking about. Their eyes met for a long time.

"When we were on the ship, you tried to break though the bars," she started, her voice strengthening, "But then you stopped. Why?"

The issue of what he was going to do without a castle dropped immediately from his mind, and he thought about it. The whole thing had been so shocking, almost like a dream and he hadn't been thinking clearly. But even then, what had changed? He had been fighting and then Kirk had talked to him, and he had seen the logic in it. But how had it seemed logical? Suddenly, the truth hit Spock like a lightning bolt. He felt a tightening in his throat.

"I thought it was too late," he whispered, bowing his head, "I thought the damage had already been done."

He wished they could link, because he wanted to know how she was feeling, but couldn't bring himself to look up at her.

"What?" she whispered, "When was it too late? After they had fractured my skull? Did you really think I was going to die?"

He'd certainly been afraid that she might, but that wasn't what he had thought it was too late for. His mind spun as he tried to think of how to say it.

"No," he whispered, sputtering, not wanting to say it out loud, already feeling the guilt rising in his chest, "You had already been penetrated."

Spock got the courage to look up at Nyota, and thought that should would be angry, but instead, she looked like she was about to cry. This somehow made it worse.

"You really thought," she stammered, "You really think that this is about purity, about how many men I've slept with?"

No, not since he'd seen what it had done to her. Not anymore. Spock breathed heavily.

"I regret what happened," he said finally, "If I had known what I know now, I would have acted differently. But at the time, that was what I thought."

And once again, Spock thought that she would lash out at him, but instead, she ran away crying.

That whole night, Spock worried that he might have upset her so much that she wouldn't come back, and couldn't help but wonder whether she was with Dr. McCoy, but in the morning she was sitting at the kitchen table and wanted to link with him.

Over the link, he could tell that she was angry, but it was a dull, focused anger, not a wild one like before. And beneath it, he could tell she still loved him. It was a strange mix of feelings, and Spock added his guilt to it, just so she could see. They stood there for a long time, almost at an impasse.

Over the days, the anger dulled, as did Spock's guilt, but it never quite died. Spock wondered if it was like his anger at his parents or his anger at the people who had mistreated him on Vulcan. Sure, he could forgive them and move on. But the feeling would never quite go away.

A couple of days later, Spock and Nyota were watching the news when a Gaila started pounding on the door as usual. Spock poised to ignore her, but to his surprise, Nyota stood up. She thought for a minute, and then opened it.

Gaila looked shocked when she saw Nyota's face, clearly she had expected to walk away again. She began to ramble awkwardly.

"You will not believe what you have been missing on _My Helpful Husbands_. You know how Lela's third husband was cheating? Well, she married this new guy, who's played by Connor Shaye O'Malley, and then there was this totally hot scene with him and husband number one in the bath washing Lela. "

She said this all very quickly before looking up at Nyota.

"So how have you been?"

"Gaila ..." she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Gaila gave Nyota a strange look.

"Sorry about what? You did warn me you were going to cut me off from my soaps if I didn't stop being so obsessed with them—not that it helped!" she added with a grin.

"No, no ..." Nyota said, her voice small, "Remember ... you told me about the subway ... and I didn't believe you?"

Gaila looked up, at the ceiling, as if she was thinking.

"No, not really ..." she started and then exclaimed, "You mean that? That was three years ago, and I wasn't even that mad then. Have you lost your ..."

Then, a look of realization came over her face.

"Oh Nyota," she whispered.

She led Nyota to the sofa, and then did something that it had taken Spock a long time to get the nerve to do: she put her arms around her.

"You're strong," she whispered, "I know you'll get through."

And after a bit, she asked,

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Nyota shook her head.

"Are you sure?" Gaila asked.

"Really," she said, "I want to watch _My Helpful Husbands_."

Based on Gaila's description, Spock decided that this wasn't a show he wanted to see, so he walked towards the door, thinking he would watch something else in one of the entertainment rooms.

"Naked Connor Shaye O'Malley!" Gaila taunted as he walked out, as if she was sure it was a proposition he couldn't resist.

"Don't bother," Nyota replied, "He has to go watch the trial of the century."

When Spock returned, Nyota was in the best mood she'd been in for ages. As he lay next to her in bed, she sidled up to him, and he felt amusement bubble through her. Idly, he wondered if this would be a good time to push some boundaries, and then realized that since they were linked, she could see what he was thinking.

She moved closer and gave him a slight smile before moving on top of him and kissing him deeply. She unbuttoned his shirt and ran her hands across his chest, and he nearly shuddered. He had forgotten how good her touch was. Nyota liked this thought, and began making long strokes along his chest and pinching behind his ears.

He wanted to remove her nightgown, but wasn't sure if it would be okay. Nyota agreed over the link, but then when he got it off, Spock could tell the nudity made her uncomfortable, so he pulled up the blankets to cover both of them.

"It is me, your husband," he whispered over the link, and she seemed slightly reassured. The feel of her skin was so arousing, and he tried to share it with her, project it back at her. It didn't really turn her on, but it made her comfortable. She slid his pants to his knees with one hand, not wanting to break their kiss. As her hand slid back up, Spock felt a long burst of pleasure. He groaned and wondered if he was even going to be able to last. Nyota was amused by this, but then he felt that she was anxious.

"It is okay if you want to stop," he told her through the link, trying to mask the fact that he really, really didn't want her to stop. But she didn't want to stop. Or well, she did, but she thought that if she didn't face her fears now, it would be worse later. But she hesitated.

"Maybe if you just put it in your mouth," Spock suggested over the link, thinking that maybe they could start with some things, and move to others later. But he felt a burst of revulsion. She didn't think she was going to be putting anything into her mouth for a long time.

Finally, she mounted him, and there was a long burst of fear as the bore down. Spock held his breath, afraid it would spiral into panic, but it subsided.

"It's not so bad," he heard her think, but he could tell she was thinking about what had happened. It made Spock angry, that he was inside of her, but she was thinking about _him_. But she was trying, he could feel that, and she didn't want it to be this way either. She didn't want to be defective.

Spock hated this thought and broke it by putting his hands on her hips. She moved upwards, causing Spock a long burst of pleasure that extended into his shoulders, which he tried to project back. It didn't take long and he was finished.

As Nyota lay across him, Spock delved into her mind. She felt like something had changed, but she was still afraid. Afraid that she would run out of courage. Afraid that he would stop loving her. Afraid that she hadn't yet seen the worst that the universe had in store for her.

And she was broken. She was coming back, but there were parts that would never heal. She wasn't the same person she had been, and that felt so wrong. She had thought that she was strong, but that was gone now. She felt beaten and afraid and damaged, but there was something left, and she loved him with all of it.

Spock knew that things would never be the same. Over time, old wounds would heal, but they would never get back their innocence. They might always love each other and always be together, but it would never quite be the cathedral it had been before. And instead of feeling anger or regret or resentment, Spock felt duty. Responsibility. It was a strangely Vulcan feeling. He had promised to love and protect her and that was what he was going to do. No matter what happened. No matter what.

_**

* * *

**_

_**A/N: This is the last chapter, so please review. It just takes one press of a button!**_

**_A/N2: After this and the work I've done on _Sunset_, I'm going to be doing something light and fluffy next. Keep your eyes peeled :) _**


End file.
